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boys. friends. friendboys.

right out of high school,
i had this group of friends.

we spent our summers together
laughing,
dancing,
and joking.

we went to bear lake for my birthday party.







shortly after high school,
all the guys turned 19 and turned two years over to serve the lord.




those two years are almost over for most of them.
and now..i'm married.

now i need some advice, here.

these guys were my life before i got married.
and yes, yes..
marriage allows you to re-evaluate your friends,
as well as re-adjust your life according to your husband's needs.
i would never ever hang out with my guy friends without my husband
and i always make sure he is comfortable.

on the other hand...
mr. schroeder is the type of guy that
won't say anything when something is bothering him.

but i just don't know.

girls with boyfriends,
fiances,
and husbands..
do you just let all of your friends go? 

it's actually pretty hard to do.
and i am constantly asking myself,
"what is the right thing here?" 

20 comments

  1. oh. my. goodness. i have this EXACT problem & was just thinking about it! i do not know what to do! but seriously, all my closest friends are boys & there is no romance between us. JUST friends! if you figure out what to do... let me know. it's quite the dilemma, eh?

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  2. I still keep in touch with some of my best guy friends an since my hubby has met and hung out with them he has stolen them from me! I mean like honestly they call him to talk and want to hang out with just him for "Guy" time. I think as long as they are respectful of your husband and realize that even though they knew you first he has your heart and best interest then it shouldnt be fine. I mean if it is really bothering him you of all people will be able to tell one way or another! Sorry this was so long just trying to be helpful. =)

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    1. That should say it should be fine! I'm on my phone... Lol

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  3. Don't stress too much about it and try a hangout with your old buds, and your husband.
    The good thing about guys is that they are easy going.
    Just make sure to pay attention to your husband's body language. Is he comfortable? You know him better than anyone, you know when he is happy or not.
    Sometimes the body speaks louder than words.

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  4. I still keep in touch with my guy friend. We aren't as close as we use to be but life has gotten so busy, we are actually meeting up soon this month. My boyfriend doesn't care for me to hang with other guy friends too much just the one that I know since kindergarten, so I respect his wishes.

    xo

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  5. I try to introduce my guy friends to my husband, and if they get a long and he likes hanging out with them then I see them more often. If my husband doesn't like them or doesn't feel comfortable around them, then it's time to say see ya. It's hard! I had *best* guy friends come home from their missions and not even say hi because I'm married. sometimes, unfortunatly, you have to say goodbye.

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  6. I think it's important to put yourself in your husband's situation. How would you feel if all the sudden he had a group of girls he wanted to include in both of your lives? Would you feel confused, overwhelmed or would you have no change in attitude about it? The most important thing is talking to your husband about this group of friends. He may say more with his body language than with words, so read this, too. Take it all into consideration. And then decide, is it worth it? While it's important to have friends, and nice to have a group of guy friends, the most important person is your husband. Good luck!

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  7. i agree with steph. its unfortunate when people don't think you'll have time for and be interested in friends because you're married now. but my husband loves it when i hang out with my girl friends and as for my guy friends, there are very few (2 i can think of) that i would hang out without my husband only because my husband knows them very well and he's comfortable with that. introduce them. see if sparks fly. if not, you're a team now and the whole team makes decisions about friends together. at least thats the way i see it. i was the same way. friendboys all the way. and now... my best friendboy is my husband.

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  8. My dearest love,

    I know how you feel. I have my boys that are my dearest friends and I feel more comfortable with than the majority of my girl friends. While Jared is gone, he knows I hang out with them, but I ALWAYS make sure there are girls there and never like an even amount of boys to girls. And those wonderful boys know that I won't just go sit around in someones basement. We always are out in public where nobody can get in trouble and where rumors and lies can't be started. Just be open with T-rev about the situation and make sure he knows he is included. :)

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  9. i let all my guy friends go.. knowing my husband it was just smarter to do.. knowing trevor.. i think it would be best to do, like if you see them in the future great and a simple convo in the future but it just isnt the same after you're married, it cant be.. i let my best guy friend go and it was the smartest to do !! good luck!

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  10. Yeah girl you got the favicon working :)

    I wouldn't just give up on them. I wouldn't hang out one on one with them obviously, but that doesn't mean you can't be friends. One of my closest friends is a guy and I just made a conscious effort to have my husband and him get to know each other and I don't hang out with him alone, not out of fear or temptation but out of respect for my husband and so my husband can't possibly have anything to worry about.

    It's a fine balance, but you can do it. :)

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  12. I love this post, because I'm going through the exact same situation. All of my guy friends are home from their missions, and confused why I'm not hanging out with them. I feel like a jerk. But I've realized that I wouldn't want my husband to bring random girls into our life, so it's a sacrifice I've made. Good luck! Just remember, your husband is the only thing that matters.

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  13. SO HARD. I only hung out with guys my freshman year, and they were all my very best friends. I got married while they were all gone, and they slowly came back. We didn't hang out a ton afterwards, just because my life was so busy with teaching/they were busy too. We'd run into each other sometimes, and I'd always give them big hugs + kiss on the cheek goodbye, and it was fine/not awkward for anyone. If I ran into them while grabbing lunch, we'd eat together, but I wouldn't make plans to be alone with them w.o my husband. But things like inviting them all over for a football + pizza party at our place w/my husband? Totally fine. I probably would make it an occasional thing (so that your husband doesn't feel weird/threatened...not that he would, but you know, maybe after too much), and try to include him always. Good luck. It's so tough!

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  14. Ive totally thought about this before, and it makes me nervous! I dont have any advide because i havent hit that stage yet. But i wish you the best of luck. I know everything will work out :)

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  15. i think it is something you and your spouse have to decide together. it definitely is a bigger deal now that you are married. you can say "nothing will ever happen" but you'd just be lying to yourself. once you open yourself to be vulnerable and emotional with the opposite sex, other than your spouse, it just creates a danger zone, no matter how GOOD your intentions are. its a super hard transition but you need to decide with your hubby!! good luck!!

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  16. Almost all of my friends were guys before I met my fiance, but after growing so close to to my fiance, hanging out with a big bunch of guys kind of seemed inappropriate to me AND my fiance. It's not just that they're guys that I've lost touch with most of them (not all! I'm still really good friends with a few) but when you get married, what you are interested in shifts so vastly that staying friends with those that are single is a real challenge! I say don't stress and see what happens :) I don't know how good of an opinion that is. I'm kinda rambling now....you're so great :)

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  17. Would you and hubby be able to have hang out with a few of them at a time? Maybe now it wouldn't be too comfy to hang out with them on your own, but you can certainly introduce them to hubby in small spurts. Maybe he will like them too...you never know?!

    xoxo

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  18. My personal approach is that if your husband wants to hand out with them it's fine.....I feel like it's more normal and natural if they are married too. But if you ever, ever, ever had any feelings for them besides just a friend, I'd say "goodbye" fast. I don't even keep these as friends on facebook cause i don't want to wonder about them ever. Texting I would say is a no no too! But that's just me!

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  19. In the 8 years I've been married I have not seen a guy-friend alone. Facebook is fine if your hubs has complete access to your profile. Email is trickier. Overall I think the relationship with your husband replaces male friends and you should focus on female relationships. That's the safest route! Not because your hubs might think you are cheating. It because it is respectful and loving to put your hubs first. Guys don't need as many intimate friends as women do. Your guy friends will soon find ladies who replace you... It's the way it goes. Blesings!

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