my marriage

i want to tell a story that impacted my life.
i was in 5th grade.
i had an enemy. we despised each other. 
her name was rachel thompson.
around christmas time, i started getting little gifts inside my tote tray.
they were gifts for the 12 days of christmas.
i thought it may have been my crush. so i was pretty excited.
at the end, rachel approached me and told me she had been giving me the gifts.
when i asked her why, she told me it was because she was taught that if she 
served others & were kind to them, it would help their relationship a whole bunch.
i thought that was really neat.
we didn't necessarily end up being friends.
but i looked up to her more than i did before. i knew her for her kindness.
5th grade. that girl was definitely an amazing example.

where am i going with this...
lately, i have been getting asked sooo many times, 
"how is your marriage so perfect?"
i get comments, messages, & emails asking me what it is i do to make my marriage the way it is.
first of all, i must assure all of you that my marriage is not perfect.
my life is not perfect.
i am not perfect.
nobody is.
however, i do know the secret to a happy and healthy marriage.
it's simple, really.
it is service.
and if you read the story above, you'll know that this doesn't just apply in marriages.
it applies in every situation. every relationship.
i think i've wrote about this before. quite a bit, actually.

when i was young, i would come home crying when chelsea aylett 
called me a slut. or kicked me in the shin...
my mom would always say, 
"just smile. and say, 'you look real cute today.'"
it was so funny. because that is..random. and weird.
 but the secret to happiness is service!
i have honestly noticed a massive difference when i do the following: 

•keep the house clean.
•don't wait until the laundry or dishes pile up. just wash them.
•cook your man dinner often. 
•pick up after your spouse.
•cook them dinner, a dessert, or make them something they love.
•do what they want to do.
•let them buy something for themselves often. 
•go buy them one of their favorite toys.
•accept everything & expect nothing.
•look at situations in their perspective & don't jump to "i'm right. you're wrong."

eliminating selfishness & serving others will help you be happy.
it just will.
i hope someone tries this, and tells me if it works. this is the secret ingredient.
except, it's not secret anymore.


  1. I love this post! I have found that to be so so true in my marriage (and other relationships) also. Sometimes I have to take a step back when I start to get irritated or frustrated and realize that I was being selfish and expecting more than I should. Thanks for posting this! :) xo

  2. Love this! Love the story you told in the beginning! For a 5th grader to do something like that - amazing!

  3. i definitely agree.
    i think another thing is time.
    making time for your spouse.
    sometimes ryan and i get soo busy and are gone for about 11-12 hours a day rather than going straight for our homework its nice to just sit down and cuddle in the bed for a few minutes.


  4. That's a great list of things you do for your husband. I imagine those things cause him to want to do similar things for you.
    I'd like to ask for some help with blog design. I have one now, but it is too girly. I want something more clean and simple and little funky. Let me know what you think!

  5. I love this. I love your list too. There are things in there that I find myself not doing. I kinda went through and was like check, check, check... oh.. sorta. haha. I love reading your thoughts and how you make your marriage happy!

  6. I loved this post! I have also found that service is what keeps our marriage strong. Sometimes it's easy to forget that, so this was a great reminder. You guys are so freaking cute!

  7. Amen! You are so right. :)

  8. I think this is great advice! Thank you for sharing!

  9. I totally agree with this. Being kind to others is so important. I love that Rachel did that in 5th grade.
    I think service is very important in a marriage. Putting the happiness of your partner before yours.

  10. I really needed this reminder today. My husband and I have truly been struggling lately due to our infertility struggles. In result, our marriage has struggled which has been hard.

  11. So simple yet SO important. I seriously believe that service and selflessness is the glue that holds marriage together. If you are both focusing on each other you cant help but think of your significant other before yourself. Thanks for this great post!

  12. Well put and it is so true! Service really is the key. My marriage is not perfect either because I think this life is about perfecting. My husband and I have a happy and healthy marriage and that's what makes it amazing to me.

  13. such a sweet 5th grade story. really touching. its true how much serving someone else helps you love them and change your feelings about them.

  14. Reminds me of my babe. He'd shovel my sidewalk whenever it snowed, sometimes he'd drive an hour from Provo to SLC to do that. I asked him why one time. He said it was because he learned on his mission that serving someone made him love them more. So I started serving him back. And it's true. I've grown to love the crap out if that boy. -Lara

  15. Reminds me of my babe. He'd shovel my sidewalk whenever it snowed, sometimes he'd drive an hour from Provo to SLC to do that. I asked him why one time. He said it was because he learned on his mission that serving someone made him love them more. So I started serving him back. And it's true. I've grown to love the crap out if that boy. -Lara

  16. so true! I agree! Thanks so much for sharing! :) loved this!


  17. that is so awesome! you go rachel thompson haha
    and i totally agree with you that service makes a great marriage. It's all about being selfless and doing things for your partner because you love them, even if it's inconvenient for you. i just talked about this with my husband last night actually :)
    i serve him because i love him. even if something may seem like a "chore," it makes me happy to do it because its for him.

    thanks for this awesome post! it made my day :)

  18. I love all of this and second it all! And keeping the house clean is huge for us... Idk why but it makes everything better! You two are going to make pretty babies!

  19. wow what a great story you have from 5th grade and what a great example she was setting even as a young age. despite not being friends, the story still had a significant impact on you. im glad you wrote a post about your marriage. no marriage is ever perfect, in fact my husband and i are attending a marriage conference this weekend and not because we are necessarily going through a rough time but learning how to be better marriage partners although we never ever expect it to ever be perfect and i am actually glad for that

  20. This is so true... And something I need to be better at! Thanks for the quick reminder, loving this advice.

  21. I absolutely love this. And it is so true! My freshman year of college started out kind of awfully because I live around a LOT of dramatic girls, and I eventually just had to learn to not fight back. If you stay positive, and at the very least, polite, it helps SO much. I'm not married, so I wouldn't know about that- but I'm glad that you have a wonderful marriage because of it. (:

    Also. You two are ADORABLE!

  22. This was definitely a post I need to read! Thanks! So sweet!

  23. so glad to have found your blod today! i love finding other harpists. i'm following now, can't wait to get to know you more!


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