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things you don't hear about marriage.

i have been married for over a year now. & i can't help but think all about the adjustments that we have faced. it seems like marriage requires a lot of sacrifice. but so far, i haven't sacrificed anything that wasn't worth making my marriage better. today, i thought i would compile a list of all the many things i have adjusted to as well as things that people didn't tell me. when you are engaged, people will tell you many things. maaany things. however, i don't think many people told me all about the changes and expectations i shouldn't have had. they're so simple. yet your life practically does a 180 after they take place.  here goes:



1. you will lose friends. 
it's so hard to say that. after i got married, it seemed like my friends didn't really want to hang out with me anymore. not all of them. but it was 1 of 2 things. either i was too 'boring' for them now, and they didn't feel comfortable hanging out with a 'married woman' or my whole perspective changed. my life got significantly better after marriage. i changed who i was. my testimony grew significantly. and some of my friends just weren't worth losing my standards over. marriage required me to be more selfless. and nonjudgmental. however, i felt like hanging out with some of these people made me feel like i wasn't being me. as far as guy friends go, i basically don't have any anymore unless mr. schroeder is friends with them too. my whole group of friends before marriage were guys and a few girls. it's hard to let them go, but things will never be the same. and that's part of change.

2. you can't be selfish anymore. 
before marriage, we only have to worry about ourselves. we focus on: what am i going to do after high school? what am i going to study in school? what should i make for dinner for me? after marriage, you seriously have to think for two. everything must benefit both of you. i think i learned that the hard way.

3. your partner is not perfect. 
before marriage, i was sure mr. schroeder was perfect. i couldn't find any flaws. i couldn't find any things that bothered me about him. after marriage, i learned of his flaws. and i learned of his weaknesses. being with someone all the time, and living with someone will allow you to see that. you truly have to focus on the strengths that you saw before and let go of the flaws as well as embrace them. because nobody is perfect. even your partner.

3. marriage is not fairy tales and rainbows. no matter what you may think. 
i sort of hate telling people that. because i think they assume my marriage is struggling right now. no. my marriage is wonderful. seriously, i love life when mr. schroeder is around. always. but i know a lot of women who go into marriage thinking it's going to be wonderful. a lot of women who spend their whole lives caught up in getting married, and then once they're married, they are stuck. they don't know what to do. they struggle with finances or with getting to know their spouse's flaws. and they are stuck. luckily, i didn't go into marriage with this philosophy. that doesn't mean it wasn't a hard change. but i wish i could scream to every twitter-pated engaged couple that marriage is not like the movies. it's just not.

5. your bills will double. 
i sort of had the thought of, "well. we both have two jobs. sooo i'm going to be making double the money. umm...no. your bills will double. you will have a lease (or mortgage), phone bills, everything. once i got married, my parents didn't pay for any of my bills. i don't blame them! i have learned a very valuable lesson. as well as the value of money!

marriage is pretty great. it really is. i wouldn't trade our love for everything on this list combined. love is amazing.  it has countless misconceptions, however, i just feel like so many people fantasize it more than they should -- then they're like, "oh. shoot."

 what were some things you were shocked about after getting married?


21 comments

  1. Number 1 OH YES!! But that's when you hop online and become friends with people like ME! I see trips in the future for us doll!

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  2. That's about right on. I am a pretty independent self sufficient woman I had to learn to ask and accept help from my hubby. Something I still hate and can't get used to. But like you said it's not all rainbows but you get to have a sleep over with your best friend every night. :)

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  3. I just came across your blog from a friend of mine. I loved this post!! I'm getting married in June and I'm really struggling with the whole "losing friends" thing. It's been so tough on me because I cherish relationships with friends SO much, but every single day, my fiance reminds me that he's the only friend I will ever need.

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  4. Oh my gosh YES! I'm so happy you posted this. It is all so true, especially the friends part!

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  5. YES! I HAAAAAAAATEDDDDD asking for help, especially from Daniel. BUt when I was about 7-8 months pregnant he was like "HEY. YOU. ASK FOR HELP." lol Since then I've been pretty good about it. I still get frustrated sometimes, but I am getting more used to it. and about the bills--yeaaaaaah ours doubled as well. I went from paying a phone bill, rent and medical to paying for OUR phone bills, OUR rent, OUR medical, OUR car, etc etc. Bills double. They triple when you have a baby. :) BUT it's all worth it to have your spouse by your side to share your life with :)

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  6. For me and hubby, since we are both high school sweethearts, it has been fun keeping our old friends. The ones I've kept after the fact, have been those I've met through work and other...activities ;) I like getting away with my girlfriends every so often, but I guess its my luck that most of them are also married, so we keep each other in check and balanced!
    And YES! Marriage isn't a fairytale! I may have thought that after that fateful November day when two became one. But nah, we just have learned to pick and chose our battles while also loving each other more :) No marriage is perfect because not one person is perfect!

    Love his lovely!
    Have an amazing week!

    xoxo
    Andie's Traveling Pants

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  7. Yes, I agree! Especially about the bills. You inherit student loans, you inherit more bills to pay (especially because I now lived in an apartment with only one other man, not 5 other girls with whom to split rent costs). It was an adjustment to have to consult before buying things, since you have a combined budget now, and it's not just "your" money. But people also didn't tell me how great it was! No matter what, having your best friend by your side is so much better than all of these other things on the list combined.

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  8. I am probably getting married in August and I was way curious to read this list! I was thinking about the money one awhile ago because even though his income is MUCH more than mine, my parents will be leaving me completely on my own once I get married, so hello insurance bills haha. Thanks for sharing! <3

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  9. I agree with all of this! Seriously every word! I agree with number 4 the most I knew I wanted my marriage to be happy but I also knew that It wasn't going to be perfect. I love everything you say about Marriage! its all so true haha :)

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  10. This is perfect for me! I get married in two months!

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  11. Love! I think all girls need to learn that marriage isn't all fairy tales and rainbows. we'd have a smaller divorce rate.. any who.. thanks for sharing! This is wonderful! :)

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  12. Love this! All so true!

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  13. WONDERFUL advice to heed. Yup. I agree with it all. I also think it's important to note that no matter how wonderful you think your relationship is, there WILL be fights, disagreements, whatever you call it.

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  14. I totally agree with every single one of these! I always worry about myself and my inability to be selfless with my spouse and how much work it is to always see their strengths and not flaws, but it's okay! Marriage can be hard sometimes but there is nothing better in the whole world, and I wouldn't change a single thing. (except maybe to be a less selfish person). Thanks for posting this!

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  15. Isn't it so interesting about the money?! I totally thought, wow, we'll both be working full time, we will have so much money! Nope. ha ha. Marriage is hard but so fun :)

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  16. Ah, losing guy friends was so hard for me!!!!! I had so many guy friends the summer before I met Joe, it was always just me and the guys, and now hardly any of them talk to me. I still have a few that will text me every once and a while and we stay up to date on Facebook and it's great when I see them at random social events or run into each other in public.... but I have one guy friend who was like my best friend that summer and as soon as I got married he never spoke to me again, which has been so sad for me because I still wanted to be his friend and wanted to go on double dates with he and his now wife (like I do with some of my other guy friends), but apparently that's not going to happen. (rumor is, he really wanted to date me that summer and that's why he doesn't talk to me anymore. But he never asked me out on a date and instead always asked me for girl advice and talked to me about the girls he wanted to take out or had taken out, so it's his own fault!) Ok... that's all about that. I recently talked to one of my close guy friends when he called to ask some advice about a girl and we discussed this.
    But like you said, marriage is great, and all of those "sacrifices" and things that change are more than worth it!! :)
    Want to hear another story? haha, sorry, this post got me thinking. Right before I met Joe, I started school again and I made plans to be in a couple of musicals, I was taking voice lessons and I was going to apply to be an EFY counselor. I am still in school, but I had to give up all of my other plans for myself to focus on getting married and save money. And yes, sometimes it is hard to not be selfish. There isn't a day that doesn't go by when I don't wish that I could go back to my $200+ a month voice lessons, but I am married, I have other important expenses, my parents aren't going to pay half of my lesson money anymore, or my tuition so that I have money to pay for voice lessons, and as my husband so lovingly pointed out the other day, he doesn't get to spend $200+ a month on golf right now, so it wouldn't be fair to him. Yep.... those are my thoughts on your posts! :) Thanks for sharing and getting my brain rolling!

    P.S. Your list of things to do for your husband has inspired my May monthly marriage goal that I'll post on Monday! :)

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  17. when i get married that won't be any different for me. i don't have friends really right now when i'm in a relationship so. but our bills will be the same. since i pay for mine (i don't have many).

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  18. Um, I love this. That first one is perfect! I was just talking to some married friends at work today and they were saying how they just don't seem to fit in with their single friends anymore. It's so true! Of course I still love my closest friends, but I just feel like we aren't really on the same page anymore. Or something. This is sounding lame. You worded it perfectly

    :)

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  19. This list is literally spot on. I love marriage so much, but these are the things that no one tells you. Great post!!
    Xoxo,
    Amanda

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  20. I love this post. Seriously, all of these are so true! Thanks for sharing your insight :)

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  21. This is such an awesome post. I'm engaged and starting to see the reality of things through advice with people….

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