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The mom I'd like to be

I'm not pregnant. I'm not a mother. Nor do I have any right to talk about motherly advice. On the other hand, I CAN talk from experience about the lessons I have learned from simply observing and thinking a whole lot about my future. 


In the past four years, I have seen a drastic increase in kids getting into trouble. I volunteer at an organization and when juveniles come into the courtroom, it seems like 90% of the cases we see include parents that are completely supportive of their child's committed crime. It scares me. It bothers me. And it even makes me kind of emotional sometimes. Today's world scares the living crap out of me. 

I know the song has been out for quite awhile now, but, a few days ago, I heard the song #Selfie, for the first time. The whole entire song, I was just sitting there with a completely shocked look on my face. REALLY? Is this what today's teenagers are? THIS?  I really don't think that song could have portrayed anything more selfish and self-absorbed. It makes me sad. It makes me really really sad to see kids becoming so obsessed with themselves and the party crowd that they desire to be in. That being said, though I'm not a mother, or not even close to being a mother, I can have my advice and my goals of the kind of rules that will be in my home, as well as the kind of mother and stipulations I want to have in place. 

• I will be the mom that KNOWS her kids make mistakes. 
Growing up, I always had a problem with the same kid. One time, he even pushed me onto the ground and choked me. When my mom went to go confront his mom, his mother stood up for him. "My son would never do that. He is a gentleman." I know it's okay to have your kids back sometimes, but at the same time, I am vowing right now to be the mother that knows my kids make mistakes and that my kids aren't perfect little angels. 

• I will follow through. 
It's silly to me to see mothers that say, "You're going to time out in 3 seconds! 1......2........ Don't make me count to 3. I'm getting to 3....1.....2...." In my opinion, you shouldn't tell your kid you're going to do something and not. Growing up, my mom followed through. If I back talked her again, I would be sitting in time out, and she made it happen. Kids are SO SMART and they know how to play the game. Why not follow through on what you say?

• I will be my child's mother before their friend.
My mother and I have always been the best of friends. Sophomore year of high school was a little rough, but after that, things seemed to be smooth sailing. The best part? She was my mother first. It's an awesome thing to be friends with your child, but your child needs a mother first. I've seen this so much in court cases, where the parents are standing up for their kids. "Yes, my daughter stole from the mall, but all kids go through that and she's still a good kid! It's not that huge of a deal." .Well, your child broke the law, and instead of standing up for your daughter, you should sit down and tell her what she did that was wrong.

• I will live by example.
I think this might be one of the hardest ones to do. Why? Because it's so much easier to tell someone something AND live it. On the other hand, I've seen countless examples of this as of late: A mother or father telling their child what to do/how to live, when in reality, the mother/father isn't living that way anyway. Crazy. Insane. Nonsense.

• I will be supportive. 
When I was in high school, there were so many of my friends parents putting pressures on them to go on missions, or attend a certain university. Those are important decisions, and I will want to expect my child to go on a mission and to college. On the other hand, if my child's dreams do not include an education, I will support them regardless. 

• I will not put my work first.
This is hard for me to say especially because I'm not a mother yet. I'm a work person. I love working. When I see my future, some days, I see more of working than being a mother. Sometimes, it's hard for me to grasp that my role really is to be a mother. Ultimately, I want to be a stay-at-home mom who puts her family before her work.

Being a mother is obviously easier said than done. I know that someday, when I'm a mother, I won't be perfect. It seems as if there are a few things I've observed in church and volunteering that have made me cringe to the point where I could say, "I know I will have struggles with my own kids as well, but I won't tolerate that." THIS, my friends, is what I hope to do and hope to become.

10 comments

  1. I'm not a mom yet either, but I hope to have those qualities as well

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  2. I love this. I have a serious problem with kids today too- they only care about themselves and parents are starting to care less. I have all of these same goals! Love it! You're going to be a really awesome mom one day Amanda!

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  3. I think these are great goals for being a mother and you can totally do it! I had years of babysitting and observing other mothers to know what I want to do and not do. The worst is the mom you mentioned at the beginning who doesn't realize her child is a holy terror. UGH, never want to be that mom. My mom is a great example on follow through, when she says no she means it, but she always gave two choices. I felt independent at a young age because I knew I had two options! I'm interested in what you do for a living? I'm new to the blog and missed that :)

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  4. Okay, well commented on this but it's not showing up so... I think you'll be one heck of a great mom! And I love your posts. Keep it up!

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  5. I love that you're already determining the mom you want to be. I am sure it's incredibly hard to be a mother, but I admire that you're thinking about it and already trying to make the best decision for your future kiddo's!

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  6. I love the second one. Saying that there is going to be a punishment and then not following through is only going to make the problem worse in the future because they're going to know that you don't follow through and not take you seriously. No discipline!!
    Loved this post!!! You are going to be an awesome mom!!!

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  7. I think there is nothing wrong of having goals like this. I have a constant mental list of things I want to say or do with my future children.

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  8. Amanda, these are all wonderful points, and they can be done!

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