We & Serendipity

11 August 2016

Class of 2016, baby

I wrote a novel. Then deleted it. Because all that I really need to say is that I DID IT. I graduated college.  

I significantly remember my uncle saying, "Do you really think you're going to graduate? We all know you're only going to school to find your husband and then drop out." This was a statement I constantly remembered when I was about to give up. Not only was it absolutely not true, but it made me want to prove him wrong. But it's not all about my clueless uncle. I also wanted to prove my anxiety and my negative thoughts wrong. 

I feel like I put so much effort into it that my mind has been exhausted for years. I also don't necessarily feel like college is one of the most difficult tasks for most people. But it has been one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. More times than not, I didn't think I'd actually make it. I feel like I could give an hour long speech thanking everyone who helped me through, including my professors, my family, my friends, and my Heavenly Father. 

I did it. I am a college graduate. I am the first person in my family to graduate college. This is something I've wanted since I even knew what college was. And I freaking did it. 

Fist pump.


24 March 2016

An almost faith crisis

Write. Erase. Write. Remove a paragraph. Write. Erase the entire novel. Eh, it's been going on for a good hour. Sometime, I'll make some progress with what my mind is trying to say. This is a post that is going to be a little raw, a little emotional (maybe, if I don't delete that part), and perhaps even confusing to people who aren't members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

I think everyone goes through their ups and downs, right? It's totally ordinary, and fairly typical. As I've been warned and cautioned a countless amount of times these past few months, this world is under attack. Even more terrifying, marriages and families are under attack. I can't even begin to describe the alarming experiences I have recently had to confirm this.

Where am I going with this post? Ah, right. Just venting it all out. Continue.

The last 5-6 years or so, I've noticed people in my life who were so strong in the LDS church to completely fall away. Not only are they just not a practicing "Mormon" anymore, they are entirely anti-Mormon and maybe even anti-Christian. I have seen this happen to countless people around me. Each time I see or hear about it, my heart breaks a little bit more.

Why was this happening? How could something that is so comforting and beautiful be causing so many people to leave? Not only that, but 100% of the people in my life this happened to were so angry. They were contention-causers. And their Facebook, Snapchat, and blog posts only consisted of endless rants of attacking the Christian people. I could not stop thinking...What. Is. Freaking. Going. On.

As most people usually go through, I got in the awful habit of not praying and not reading my scriptures. I didn't really attend all of my meetings and I was totally just chilling on the teeter totter. Dangerous waters, my friends. 

One day, I walked into my room, I nearly collapsed, and I cried out to God. "Will you tell me if this is true? Why is everyone leaving? People I absolutely love and people who are so smart are leaving. Why is this happening?" You guys, I was totally being a drama queen. I was bawling. I was a blobbery little basket case. Giggling while typing this only because I was soooo dramatic.

But then, the Spirit told me it was true. I felt nothing but peace and comfort. And that was it. 

And then some topic came up within my church that I didn't agree with. It made me angry. Then I prayed about it. And I was like, "Heavenly Father. What the crap! Why?!"

But then, the Spirit told me it was true. I felt nothing but peace and comfort. And that was it.

Then the church released a statement that made me question literally everything. It made me question whether or not I had been brainwashed from the start (that's what all the anti-Mormons say what happens to those who grow up in the gospel). It made me want to give up and be done. Quit. Move. Start over. I remember the whole drive home from one of my friends house, being sooo nervous to talk to Trevor and explain that I wasn't sure what was true anymore. I talked to him. He took me by the hand, and we prayed.

Then, the Spirit told me it was true. I felt nothing but peace and comfort. And that was it. 

Remember when there was an annoying amount of quotes going around from one of the LDS general conferences? Doubt your doubts, guys! Doubt them! I swear that saying was haunting me in my sleep. I thought it was, you know, a fine statement. But everyone was having a cow over how great that statement was. And I didn't understand. Until recently.

We&Serendipity: Doubt your Doubts

Allowing ridiculous and far-fetched ideas into my head, that would eventually allow me to doubt my faith were tearing me apart. They were truly destroying me. I've never felt so depressed. So lost. So utterly hopeless. BUT YOU GUYS. I PRAYED. I prayed to Heavenly Father. And I asked him, genuinely wanting to know. Then, I felt nothing but peace and comfort. And that. was. it.

If you're going through a faith crisis, or about to, I'm not even sure this blog post would make sense to you. Because like I said, I'm doing a fabulous job at blabbering. But there are 4 things that truly made me realize that this is the true church. 4 things I wish everybody would do prior to doubting that unshakable faith of theirs.

1. If you don't want it to be true, it won't be. If you're constantly seeking for excuses, accusations, reasons the Book of Mormon couldn't be true, or other nonsensical nonsense, then you are going to find exactly that. Your mind is a genius, folks. And if you're talking yourself out of something, or telling yourself it isn't true, then voila! That is exactly what you will find.

2. Most people don't deeply understand the definition of faith. They are too caught up in historical and physical proof. People are constantly seeking reasons for it not being true. They lack faith. They can't obtain faith because they are stubborn.

When people are seeking physical proof, this is when you know they lack faith. If we had proof of everything, we would all be perfect humans. There would be no point.

Wondering how to identify, develop, and utilize strong faith? You're in luck! Because I wrote a post about it once. You can find it here. 

Truly, I think we all struggle with faith from time to time. Obviously, I did, otherwise, I wouldn't be jabbering.

3. Pray. This is such a simple task to do. Because if you just read people's "awful experiences with the Mormon church" or other things that may not even be true, you're going to start doubting that awesome faith of yours. Just pray. A man cannot prove to you God is real. God can only reveal to you what is true. So just pray. Sincerely, and ask.

4. Lastly, the attacks from those I love once used to be hurtful. But now, they are just proof to me that what I'm doing is right. The anger some of these people have inside of their hearts is gut-wrenching and unreal.

The truth is going to be attacked.
And it will be attacked more than any other truth out there in the world.
It is part of the test.

Though I used to get offended by these types of 'shares' people were hatefully creating, I get a firm confirmation each time I see something like that. What I'm living is true. What I know is true. And nothing will change that for me, regardless of how many downs I experience.

Why? Well, because the Spirit tells me it's true. And that's it. 

03 March 2016

Number 4

Trevor and I celebrated our 4th anniversary on the 11th of February. We ran away to Arizona to spend some much needed time with our family and spend time together. On our anniversary, we got a couples massage, ate some delicious food, went swimming, and just relaxed. It was a perfect day. 

If any Arizona peeps happen to read this little space of the internet of mine, you have got to go to this crepe place. It's called Cupz N' Crepes and it's in Phoenix. I've tried to start a little tradition of eating crepes every time we go out of town or on vacation. I got a sweet crepe (obviously) and Trevor got a savory breakfast crepe. Heaven, I tell you.




We celebrated by going to dinner at Ruth Chris. It's one of our favorite places. In Salt Lake City, the people aren't usually insanely and fancily dressed, but with the restaurant we visited in Snottsdale Scottsdale, we felt a little out of place to say the least. We pulled our Hyundai rental car into the parking lot next to ferraris, tesla's, and other crazy nice cars. We had a good time laughing and teasing. It was certainly a much needed night. 



01 March 2016

Try to think

I don't know where I got this "lovely" trait of mine; however, from the day I was born, all I wanted to do was go-go-go. If I wasn't involved in 3-4 things outside of school, I was too bored with my life. I always needed more. I wanted to accomplish multiple things at one time. At the time, I couldn't decide if it was because I wanted to impress my parents, or if it was because I actually enjoyed the act of being overly-busy.

Fast forward to six months ago. I got a new Full-Time job at an amazing company, and was starting school the day before my new job. I was enrolled for 15 credits, and I was confident I'd succeed greatly. Throughout these last few months, I can't stop thinking about why I thought this was a good idea. I received a calling in church, and between work and school, the responsibilities were just too large.

I've put the things I love most on the back burner: my dear husband, my family, and the life I ultimately loved to live. My sister moved to Utah with her 4 adorable kids, and I can count on one hand how many times I have seen them. For some reason, there is some sort of satisfaction of being so drained I can't even walk anymore. I pass out in my bed every single night from pure and utter exhaustion. And for some reason, I enjoy it. Though I've come to realize that my priorities must be on God and family, I think I've also learned that becoming ridiculously busy is just in my blood. 

Faith is to be awake and to be awake is for us to think and for us to think is to be alive and I will try with every rhyme to come across like I am Dying to let you know you need to try to think~Car Radio:

Twenty One Pilots is my favorite band. If you know me at all, you're probably annoyed of me talking about them constantly. But the very first song I heard of theirs talked about the importance of sitting in silence and allowing your mind to think. YOU GUYS. After following these small and simple words of advice from these lyrical geniuses, my life has forever changed. I don't know if it's a rare thing to actually take some to think. But if you don't, your mind will explode. 

01 February 2016

A Love Challenge

It's officially February! Which is, well, super crazy. But it's also Valentines month, which is my favorite. I'm not really ashamed to admit that I decorated my house for Valentines day on January 1. January is boring anyway..why not celebrate love? 

When I saw the church's 14-day Love One Another challenge, I was super stoked to hop on and join the challenge. My grandmother's favorite hymn was always "Love One Another." I've always strived to show love to all of those I encounter. The best part of this challenge is that each day, your "challenge" is actually rather simple, or maybe for some people. Focus on these things for the next 14 days, and feel free to share with me how much you can feel your heart growing! Because I promise it'll happen.



May we all just..love one another..a little more. 
11 August 2016

Class of 2016, baby

I wrote a novel. Then deleted it. Because all that I really need to say is that I DID IT. I graduated college.  

I significantly remember my uncle saying, "Do you really think you're going to graduate? We all know you're only going to school to find your husband and then drop out." This was a statement I constantly remembered when I was about to give up. Not only was it absolutely not true, but it made me want to prove him wrong. But it's not all about my clueless uncle. I also wanted to prove my anxiety and my negative thoughts wrong. 

I feel like I put so much effort into it that my mind has been exhausted for years. I also don't necessarily feel like college is one of the most difficult tasks for most people. But it has been one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. More times than not, I didn't think I'd actually make it. I feel like I could give an hour long speech thanking everyone who helped me through, including my professors, my family, my friends, and my Heavenly Father. 

I did it. I am a college graduate. I am the first person in my family to graduate college. This is something I've wanted since I even knew what college was. And I freaking did it. 

Fist pump.


24 March 2016

An almost faith crisis

Write. Erase. Write. Remove a paragraph. Write. Erase the entire novel. Eh, it's been going on for a good hour. Sometime, I'll make some progress with what my mind is trying to say. This is a post that is going to be a little raw, a little emotional (maybe, if I don't delete that part), and perhaps even confusing to people who aren't members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

I think everyone goes through their ups and downs, right? It's totally ordinary, and fairly typical. As I've been warned and cautioned a countless amount of times these past few months, this world is under attack. Even more terrifying, marriages and families are under attack. I can't even begin to describe the alarming experiences I have recently had to confirm this.

Where am I going with this post? Ah, right. Just venting it all out. Continue.

The last 5-6 years or so, I've noticed people in my life who were so strong in the LDS church to completely fall away. Not only are they just not a practicing "Mormon" anymore, they are entirely anti-Mormon and maybe even anti-Christian. I have seen this happen to countless people around me. Each time I see or hear about it, my heart breaks a little bit more.

Why was this happening? How could something that is so comforting and beautiful be causing so many people to leave? Not only that, but 100% of the people in my life this happened to were so angry. They were contention-causers. And their Facebook, Snapchat, and blog posts only consisted of endless rants of attacking the Christian people. I could not stop thinking...What. Is. Freaking. Going. On.

As most people usually go through, I got in the awful habit of not praying and not reading my scriptures. I didn't really attend all of my meetings and I was totally just chilling on the teeter totter. Dangerous waters, my friends. 

One day, I walked into my room, I nearly collapsed, and I cried out to God. "Will you tell me if this is true? Why is everyone leaving? People I absolutely love and people who are so smart are leaving. Why is this happening?" You guys, I was totally being a drama queen. I was bawling. I was a blobbery little basket case. Giggling while typing this only because I was soooo dramatic.

But then, the Spirit told me it was true. I felt nothing but peace and comfort. And that was it. 

And then some topic came up within my church that I didn't agree with. It made me angry. Then I prayed about it. And I was like, "Heavenly Father. What the crap! Why?!"

But then, the Spirit told me it was true. I felt nothing but peace and comfort. And that was it.

Then the church released a statement that made me question literally everything. It made me question whether or not I had been brainwashed from the start (that's what all the anti-Mormons say what happens to those who grow up in the gospel). It made me want to give up and be done. Quit. Move. Start over. I remember the whole drive home from one of my friends house, being sooo nervous to talk to Trevor and explain that I wasn't sure what was true anymore. I talked to him. He took me by the hand, and we prayed.

Then, the Spirit told me it was true. I felt nothing but peace and comfort. And that was it. 

Remember when there was an annoying amount of quotes going around from one of the LDS general conferences? Doubt your doubts, guys! Doubt them! I swear that saying was haunting me in my sleep. I thought it was, you know, a fine statement. But everyone was having a cow over how great that statement was. And I didn't understand. Until recently.

We&Serendipity: Doubt your Doubts

Allowing ridiculous and far-fetched ideas into my head, that would eventually allow me to doubt my faith were tearing me apart. They were truly destroying me. I've never felt so depressed. So lost. So utterly hopeless. BUT YOU GUYS. I PRAYED. I prayed to Heavenly Father. And I asked him, genuinely wanting to know. Then, I felt nothing but peace and comfort. And that. was. it.

If you're going through a faith crisis, or about to, I'm not even sure this blog post would make sense to you. Because like I said, I'm doing a fabulous job at blabbering. But there are 4 things that truly made me realize that this is the true church. 4 things I wish everybody would do prior to doubting that unshakable faith of theirs.

1. If you don't want it to be true, it won't be. If you're constantly seeking for excuses, accusations, reasons the Book of Mormon couldn't be true, or other nonsensical nonsense, then you are going to find exactly that. Your mind is a genius, folks. And if you're talking yourself out of something, or telling yourself it isn't true, then voila! That is exactly what you will find.

2. Most people don't deeply understand the definition of faith. They are too caught up in historical and physical proof. People are constantly seeking reasons for it not being true. They lack faith. They can't obtain faith because they are stubborn.

When people are seeking physical proof, this is when you know they lack faith. If we had proof of everything, we would all be perfect humans. There would be no point.

Wondering how to identify, develop, and utilize strong faith? You're in luck! Because I wrote a post about it once. You can find it here. 

Truly, I think we all struggle with faith from time to time. Obviously, I did, otherwise, I wouldn't be jabbering.

3. Pray. This is such a simple task to do. Because if you just read people's "awful experiences with the Mormon church" or other things that may not even be true, you're going to start doubting that awesome faith of yours. Just pray. A man cannot prove to you God is real. God can only reveal to you what is true. So just pray. Sincerely, and ask.

4. Lastly, the attacks from those I love once used to be hurtful. But now, they are just proof to me that what I'm doing is right. The anger some of these people have inside of their hearts is gut-wrenching and unreal.

The truth is going to be attacked.
And it will be attacked more than any other truth out there in the world.
It is part of the test.

Though I used to get offended by these types of 'shares' people were hatefully creating, I get a firm confirmation each time I see something like that. What I'm living is true. What I know is true. And nothing will change that for me, regardless of how many downs I experience.

Why? Well, because the Spirit tells me it's true. And that's it. 
03 March 2016

Number 4

Trevor and I celebrated our 4th anniversary on the 11th of February. We ran away to Arizona to spend some much needed time with our family and spend time together. On our anniversary, we got a couples massage, ate some delicious food, went swimming, and just relaxed. It was a perfect day. 

If any Arizona peeps happen to read this little space of the internet of mine, you have got to go to this crepe place. It's called Cupz N' Crepes and it's in Phoenix. I've tried to start a little tradition of eating crepes every time we go out of town or on vacation. I got a sweet crepe (obviously) and Trevor got a savory breakfast crepe. Heaven, I tell you.




We celebrated by going to dinner at Ruth Chris. It's one of our favorite places. In Salt Lake City, the people aren't usually insanely and fancily dressed, but with the restaurant we visited in Snottsdale Scottsdale, we felt a little out of place to say the least. We pulled our Hyundai rental car into the parking lot next to ferraris, tesla's, and other crazy nice cars. We had a good time laughing and teasing. It was certainly a much needed night. 



01 March 2016

Try to think

I don't know where I got this "lovely" trait of mine; however, from the day I was born, all I wanted to do was go-go-go. If I wasn't involved in 3-4 things outside of school, I was too bored with my life. I always needed more. I wanted to accomplish multiple things at one time. At the time, I couldn't decide if it was because I wanted to impress my parents, or if it was because I actually enjoyed the act of being overly-busy.

Fast forward to six months ago. I got a new Full-Time job at an amazing company, and was starting school the day before my new job. I was enrolled for 15 credits, and I was confident I'd succeed greatly. Throughout these last few months, I can't stop thinking about why I thought this was a good idea. I received a calling in church, and between work and school, the responsibilities were just too large.

I've put the things I love most on the back burner: my dear husband, my family, and the life I ultimately loved to live. My sister moved to Utah with her 4 adorable kids, and I can count on one hand how many times I have seen them. For some reason, there is some sort of satisfaction of being so drained I can't even walk anymore. I pass out in my bed every single night from pure and utter exhaustion. And for some reason, I enjoy it. Though I've come to realize that my priorities must be on God and family, I think I've also learned that becoming ridiculously busy is just in my blood. 

Faith is to be awake and to be awake is for us to think and for us to think is to be alive and I will try with every rhyme to come across like I am Dying to let you know you need to try to think~Car Radio:

Twenty One Pilots is my favorite band. If you know me at all, you're probably annoyed of me talking about them constantly. But the very first song I heard of theirs talked about the importance of sitting in silence and allowing your mind to think. YOU GUYS. After following these small and simple words of advice from these lyrical geniuses, my life has forever changed. I don't know if it's a rare thing to actually take some to think. But if you don't, your mind will explode. 
01 February 2016

A Love Challenge

It's officially February! Which is, well, super crazy. But it's also Valentines month, which is my favorite. I'm not really ashamed to admit that I decorated my house for Valentines day on January 1. January is boring anyway..why not celebrate love? 

When I saw the church's 14-day Love One Another challenge, I was super stoked to hop on and join the challenge. My grandmother's favorite hymn was always "Love One Another." I've always strived to show love to all of those I encounter. The best part of this challenge is that each day, your "challenge" is actually rather simple, or maybe for some people. Focus on these things for the next 14 days, and feel free to share with me how much you can feel your heart growing! Because I promise it'll happen.



May we all just..love one another..a little more.