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I'm confused about my friend situation

I'll always be confused as to whether or not I can MAKE new friends and have them be as close to me as my high school girlfriends are. It seems harder than ever. Are there even girls out there who like to get their hair wet, yet girls who like to dress up and go out for the evening every once in awhile? There aren't many girls who feel extremely uncomfortable when people start gossiping. And not only that, girls who don't give a crap about what other people, wear, what other people do, or what other people have become. At times, I have a hard time finding friends who get my odd style & the ones who want to laugh until they cry on the daily with me.

When I got married, my friend situation did a 180 and I got a little bit lost. It was weird for me to go from completely reliant upon my friends my whole life, then get married and BAM, lose 100% of your guy friends. To be honest, I wouldn't have it any other way, but at the same time, I still find it very interesting that when I send a quick "Welcome home from your mission! Hope you're doing great!" message, and they don't respond, because they think it's awkward that I'm married. I have had the same best friends forever...like since Kindergarten. As goes for meeting new friends, I find it SO hard. I find it hard to make new inside jokes. I find it hard to be 110% myself just in case my sarcasm offends anyone or if my beliefs don't line up with others, not to mention finding friends where our spouses are great friends, too. When I got married, things changed. The few girlfriends I had are still my best. I sort of assumed that when I got married, we could meet cute married couples and have so much fun with them all the time. Reality kicked in, yo. And that sure did not happen.

I'm wondering if everyone has this problem, or if I am the odd man out here. I've seriously enjoyed meeting fabulous women through blogging and especially women I can relate with. On the other hand, it's a different kind of friendship...one that doesn't leave the cyber world very often. I suppose I've come to the conclusion that after marriage, friends scatter, and the only true friend you absolutely need is your husband. I'm super fine with that. As for those days he goes out of town, someone should holler at me or something. Because being alone is not my cup of tea. 


26 comments

  1. Before I got married, I had guy friends too, and talked with my girlfriends often; but now... not so much. I try to make new friends all the time, but something is always a little off. I am great friends with them at school and/or work, but we don't hang out much outside of that. The only theory I have is that now that I am married, my life is different. My family is my priority, not my social life. So it's hard to hang out with single friends cause they want to stay out all night, but I know I have to be in bed to wake up for work. And as for other married friends, they are just as busy as I am, so working out schedules is hard. Plus, since I haven't been married long, I still love hanging out with hubby, so if he can't come, then I don't usually wanna go. Maybe all this will change as the years of marriage go up, but as for now I am in the same boat as you... If you figure it out, lemme know! :)

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  2. I feel bad for not snapchatting you back yesterday about doing something. I really meant to! Please, let's do something, anything! Anytime, anywhere. (Well, just not this weekend..) :) Love you!

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  3. I feel the same way :P Like a lot of people have this group of married friends that they hang out with ALL the time, and talk about everything and do everything with. I have friends and they're really good friends, but none of them feel the same way as the high school group you know? Not even the high school group is the same.

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  4. I'm such a huge fan. I guess it's because I can relate to most of the things you write about. Today, I was coming home and I was thinking of the exact same thing. And I kind of got frustrated about it. My husband is wonderful and he is my best friend. We talk about everything. But it's a shame that after I got married, I almost have no friends left. At least not the ones I had inside jokes with, or the ones that I could call anytime of the day and just talk about nothing. I miss that.
    But I guess that's life, right? In the meantime I read your blog and find strength (:

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  5. Can you just move in next door to me? I'll be your new besty, because I feel the SAME flippin way! Little towns in Idaho tend to mean no young couples, so I'm all by my lonesome in the friend department :-/ I hate it! Anytime we do meet a couple that we can be friends with, they're desperately trying for kids or already preggo, and I'm SO not there yet, so it's not easy to identify. Sad stuff.

    Much love!
    Heather

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  6. You live near Salt Lake right? Because I have NO friends. That's why i created that blogger page! Once we get internet, I am going to throw a girls night at my tiny baby apt and hope someone comes over to have a blogathon with me. haha.
    My friendships started changing when i got engaged, I stopped getting invited places because "they didnt think someone getting married would want to." Um, I still like ice cream and shopping... duh. haha. And then I got married and moved 2 hours away from my friends. So I'm excited to start cosmetology school next week and am really hoping for some girls who like me there!

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  7. So funny that you wrote about this today because Tim and I were up an extra 2 hours last night talking about this. His last semester of school at BYU they talked about this in one of his classes. A lot of employers complain that LDS people don't know how to communicate and function around members of the opposite sex. They lose promotions because they refuse to go out to lunch with their manager of the opposite sex to talk about potential opportunities to move up in the company. There is a big difference with being okay to talk to people of the opposite sex in an appropriate manner and flirting. I feel like some people think once you get married people of the opposite gender just don't exist anymore and you can't associate with them anymore. I still send my guy friends a "happy birthday, hope you're doing well" on facebook but I don't text them all the time and ask them all about everything. Anyways, I'm going to stop because I'm rambling haha!

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  8. This is something that I've had a really hard time with too! Not so much with guy friends, but friends in general! I got married before any of my other close friends. All my single friends got awkwarded out like I had caught the marriage disease or something. It was a big jump from being very involved with my friends and having a very active social life to having an almost non existent one! I have always had a pretty easy time making friends, but the married friend crowd is much more complex. You have to balance a million different schedules and it's just harder to connect! I keep praying that by some miracle it will just be like BAM! here is an awesome person that you could best friends with. That's how it used to happen, so I guess I'll just stay positive and keep reaching out :) PS sorry i'm such a slacker and haven't talked to you in forever. I took 18 credits last semester and it kind of worked me haha

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  9. i completely agree. i always had guy friends, then my 1 or 2 good girlfriends. when i got married most of my friends scattered. i thought we would move into our ward, and make best couple friends. and we didnt and we haven't its hard.

    K

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  10. I know what you are going through! I haven't had a job for the past couple of weeks and it has made me realize how lonely I really am. I sit and count down the minutes till Mr Brown is home. Mr. Brown on the other hand is the total opposite. He has friends calling him left and right (boys and girls) to hang out or go on double dates. The only person who blows up my phone is Mr. Brown and my Mom haha! Yeah I might be a little jealous, but I was able to make his friends my friends and it has helped a lot, but its just not the same. That loneliness is still there. I still feel empty inside.

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  11. girl you read my mind!! I have been thinking about this for a really long time. Having been married for almost a year now, I too also did lose friends. It's awkward too because my husband has a lot of friends that he likes to go hang out with and then I'm left just chillin! I feel like I'm a nice, fun person to be around so I don't get why it's so hard for me to make friends either. I definitely imagined that once we got married we'd spend time with a lot of other married couples but yeah, doesn't happen! It's hard to find another couple where you like both them. Either I am really good friends with the other wife, and my husband doesn't get along the other husband, or vice versa! I'm grateful for our marriage and knowing that we will be married for eternity, but it would be nice to have more people to hang out with! I love all of the other comments listed here because it shows that I'm not the only one who feels this way! Love love your blog, I'm an avid reader!

    XO COURTNEY
    unpredictableandchic22.blogspot.com

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  12. Transitions kinda make everyone evaluate their associations w/us--and maybe it's for the better, you know? You talk about the impact of getting married, but I moved to the US almost 11 yrs ago and can probably count the # of real friends I have today in a few fingers (not even 5--and that's counting my parents)! I'm an only child too, so I treasure the time I spend w/my fam above all else--which makes it hard to find worthwhile friend-potential peeps.

    Maybe I'll meet great friend In Grad school. Til then, like you, I wouldn't have it any other way!

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  13. oh my goodness you are TOTALLY not alone. it's so funny when you say, "There aren't many girls who feel extremely uncomfortable when people start gossiping. And not only that, girls who don't give a crap about what other people, wear, what other people do, or what other people have become." I totally get that... I'm not perfect & I totally fall & do unGodly things like this, at times, but I sure try hard not to...for sure... I think we would totally hang out...and be loving it...if only we lived closer! plus, sometimes, when i see your husband, i think he looks like mine! so maybe they'd get along! :)

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  14. Coming from a single person I never knew that this was an issue, but now seeing all these girls comment about it, it seems like it is a common occurrence. I am sure so many other girls think just like you, you all just need to come together somehow. You sound like an amazing person and so fun, I am sure a whole handful of girls are just waiting for you!

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  15. You are so not alone. I am in the same boat. It sucks but I love that my Man is my best friend but being lonely sucks too.

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  16. Holy cow woman it's like you're reading my mind! All through high school I literally had maybe 2 or 3 close girlfriends and the rest of my friends were guys, so when I got married and they all dropped off like flies I was left feeling like I had no friends. I still have a couple of really close girlfriends, but it is SO hard to make new friends after you're married. It seems like if you aren't in the exact same stage as someone else, you can't be friends and that drives me absolutely bonkers. I love my husband dearly and I wouldn't trade having him as my best friend for anything, but sometimes I just get a hankerin' for a girls night out or something, you know? It's sure nice to know I'm not the only one who struggles with this. Loved all the comments on this post. Also, I so wish that we lived closer cause I'm pretty sure we could be bff!

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  17. I am totally with you there. All my friends just kind of disappeared. But the hubby is still my best friend ever! Speaking of, Jake is out of town this weekend if you're free for lunch or something. But really if I remember right you just live past the point of the mountain right!? but yes. It's kind of funny that the only people I snap chat, or text, or call is my sisters.

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  18. Yes! I have felt the same way. I have the hardest time making GOOD friends. Real friends. The kind that you are totally and completely comfortable with. And it's always harder making friends with girls, I think. I still hope we find couple-friends, though. Because that would be so fun. Plus, doing things with my husband is always better anyway.

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  19. I have been on the opposite end of this. Since I am "old" {for Utah/Mormon standards} and not married, I have witnessed the people "scatter". However, I don't feel like the best of the best friends are lost. And I have had to make new friends, friends that are YEARS younger, but I have never felt friendless. The hardest ones to "lose" have been the guy friends, as there is no other option. Buuuut, keep trying. I do have a suggestion {were you asking? If not, pretend I didn't write this}. It might be difficult to find girls who don't gossip, care what others wear, etc. But maybe instead of worrying about that, just love them regardless. Be the example you are and I wouldn't be surprised if many rise to the occasion. Good luck. :)

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  20. GIrl I lost all of my friends but ONE when I got married. Not lost, but they definitely aren't the same. Being in California makes it super hard. If they aren't Mormon or neighbors, I don't know them. The ONE friend I had that was neither of those things that I met through Daniel just moved.

    It's hard making friends, and i have faith that as time marches on,we will get better at it :D

    ALSO--Our bloggy friendship is great :) and I think we will blossom into bossom buddies in due time :)

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  21. yeah i hate it when RMs who used to b my best friends, kind of brothers, don't talk to me because they think its not allowed....lame. haha also...we should hang out because i HATE gossip. i don't really ever do it, like some people let their lives revolve around what so-and-so did and omg can you believe it? oh it hate it. i like talking about people having babies and getting married though, if that counts as gossip. :) anyways, every word you said in this post could've come right out of my mouth...haha.

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  22. I'm sooo with you on this. I dont know why but it is so much harder to make close friends now that I'm married. there's a lot of people that I talk to with at church and work, but not those friends who know me better than I know myself. I miss that.

    ps your post on the llamas made me laugh so hard

    pps would you be interested in helping me put together a bloggers get together? cause I think that would be so fun.

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  23. I have draft in my little blog box that sounds almost exactly like your post! I had all sorts of guy friends before I got married and I thought I had a few really good girlfriends. But then all the wedding events stated happening and 3 of them came. our of all my friends on 3 even bothered to show up... about 15 didn't even bother to respond to the invites. Not to my showers, my bachelorette party, the wedding reception... it was awful. there have been many nights that I have cried on my husbands shoulder. And I moved 2 hours away from my hometown and all my family to live with him on his farm and making friends is sooo hard! So hard. :-/ And this little town i live in LOVES gossip ( and while im not LDS) I hate gossip. hate it. its hard to be friends with people you dont even know if you can trust. I am glad to know im not alone, i just wish we were all real life friends.

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  24. That just goes to show what kind of selfish people are in the world today. And that they dont know the true meaning of Friendship. Regardless if you got married, had a kid, whatever they should be there no matter what. During good and bad times. I've lost several friends due to several factors and it just goes to show what people are true friends and the main one that is there for me thru it all. Is my bestie and we've known each other since 1st grade.

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  25. So, I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say I love it! It's awesome that you are sharing your beliefs--I read a couple of your Mormon posts and I'm way impressed with how you are putting that out there. So great!

    And this post just hit home. I feel very similarly on the friends front. I am lucky to have many friends, but I also feel like I don't have tons of close friends and sometimes that is a total bummer. Hopefully things will turn around for you and/or hopefully we can try and help things to turn around in that department (I try to invite people to do stuff whenever possible). I also really appreciated your perspective that hubs is your beastie and should be, and that is what's important.

    Anyway, love your blog! Thanks for being uplifting! :)

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  26. Nope, it is DEFINITELY not just you.

    I felt the same way after we got married. All my guy friends disappeared (necessarily, no complaints here) and all my single ladies all of a sudden weren't interested, either. I feel a little lonely at times.

    But... I mean, if you want a virtual BFF, I'm you're girl. :). Also, if you ever come to Texas- free room and board for you and your sweetheart!

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