Why we don't have kids

May we all take a moment and stare at this picture until we can’t take the cuteness anymore? This is my nephew on Halloween. Pictures and moments like these, make me stop for a second and say, “Trev! Let’s make one of those. He's too darn adorable!” Putting all of that aside, I decided to write about WHY we don’t have kids yet. I’ve wrote like 10 posts and then deleted them simply because I don’t want to offend anyone, or have anyone disagree and then yell at me. Per contra, this is my own little tiny space of the internet and I feel like I can do what I want with it, even if it’s speaking my mind.

For the past couple of months, I’ve heard, “When are you having kids?” “Are you pregnant yet?” “Why haven’t you started trying for kids yet?” countless times. Almost every day, to be honest (without exaggeration). The questions don’t bother me. But here’s the thing. WE JUST AREN’T HAVING KIDS right now. I’m not sure if the reason we are getting this so much is because we live in Utah, and most people have their kids within two years, but we just aren’t. And I have quite a huge list of WHY.

Trevor and I love kids. WE adore them. Our nieces and nephews are our most favorite thing ever, and there’s always the staring and playing with babies in sacrament in church. And we are very thrilled to start our own family someday. I am 21 years young. And Trevor is 24. Both of us have quite a bit of growing up to do, learning about ourselves and each other, and more experiences to have. I have so much respect for young women who start having kids at this age, and don’t see anything wrong with it. However, in my own personal life, right now is just not the time. I remember my freshman year, I was getting serious with a guy and I wasn't sure if I wanted to get married quite yet. I was 17 years old. I talked with my bishop and he said, "Here's the thing you really need to take to heart. You need to sit down and think, "Am I ready to close this chapter?" There are so many new things that come with marriage. Are you ready for a new chapter?" There was my answer. I was NOT ready. I still needed to date. I still needed to learn WHO I WAS. And right now, I'm not ready to close this chapter. I'm still living comfortably in my life and so extremely happy.

I want to graduate college. Do you know how many people call me selfish after I explain this to them? I am 21 YEARS YOUNG. Well, people, call me selfish if you will, but I want to finish school. I want to get a degree. It’s been a dream of mine since I even knew what college was. Just because I want to graduate college doesn’t mean I want to have a career instead of a baby. Who says I can’t have a stay-at-home working career and a baby? I have a plan. Trust me.

Health issues. For the first year and a half, I struggled with some pretty tough stuff that was very hard on me and my marriage. To me, we weren’t like every other married couple because of these struggles. We learned a lot from them and had to face them with love and faith. 

Time with Mr. Schroeder. Every single couple (and I mean every one) with children tells me, “Wait a little longer. Cherish that time with your husband. Because you will never get it back.” We want to be spontaneous and live it up before kids decide to grace us with their presence. My sister said, “It’s true. Your life really is over when you have kids.” Well, people. I am taking that to heart.

The timing. When people usually ask the question I say, “Well, it’s in the Lord’s hands!” As many of you know, I’m not on birth control because of a blood disorder that runs in my family. So if this pregnancy thing happens, then I will be super happy and I won’t be sad whatsoever! But it doesn’t mean we are trying.

Moral of the story? It doesn’t necessarily hurt my feelings when people ask me questions about kids, because it’s normal! It’s part of life! That is WHY we are here. But when people start calling me selfish, telling me I need to put kids before my education, giving me a guilt trip about how we get married to have kids, and being completely rude about it, I want to smack them. I truly wish people could hear my answer, completely respect it, and understand that babies within 24 months of marriage isn’t for everybody. ESPECIALLY when they are 21 years young.  End rant.
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