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When I was engaged

I'm not entirely sure if an engaged or almost engaged individual will read this blog post and benefit from it. I'd love to share my thoughts and see if anybody would agree with me. I feel as if there's a problem with dating/engagements/marriages nowadays. ESPECIALLY in the state of Utah. Many girls will graduate high school and constantly think about that young man that they are going to marry within a few years. Me, on the other hand, didn't want to get married until after college. God had other plans for me (and boy oh boy, am I so happy for that). I feel as if there were some things that I was completely incorrect about when I was engaged. Today, I'm seeing like 90% of my friends & loved ones are finding out that they are also incorrect in the same concepts and becoming a little disappointed. Well, peeps! I'm here to tell you these things so that you have no surprises!


- Your wedding day is just one day. 
I remember when I was engaged, all I could ever talk about was the wedding. Granted, your wedding day is going to be one of the best days of your life. I remember my dad always saying, "Amanda. Your wedding is going to come, and it will be a very happy day, but then it will end, and your life is going to drastically change." I would always say, "Dad. I know that. But a girl can be excited about her wedding." People. Your wedding is very important and amazing plans must be met. But your wedding day is just one day, which brings me to my next point.

-There is life after your wedding. 
Recently, one of my friends said, "My whole life, my dream was to get married. I wanted to have this big wedding with everybody I knew and have it be absolutely beautiful. So I got my wedding. And now that I've said 'I do,' I'm not quite sure what to do with my life. I guess I never really thought about it." I think it's so sad that so many girls are only caught up in their wedding that they don't spend time bettering themselves or serving their spouse to make their marriage happier after the vows or covenants have been made. Am I right?

-It's not always going to be unicorns and rainbows. 
This one was a hard one for me. I believe that 90% of people put on a facade of how their marriage is. They only post the good stuff; how their husband brought them home flowers for no apparent reason, or how marriage has been better than anyone else's and nothing could compare. Individuals SEE that facade and automatically think that marriage will be unicorns and rainbows. Wellp! Reality Check here: Life will not be unicorns and rainbows.

-You will fight. 
Though Trevor and I don't fight a ton, there are fights. WE had one the other day about where our future is going. Luckily, they've never been ginormous, but fights will happen. And most of the time, fights are actually healthy.

-You will figure out your differences. 
I always thought that Trevor and I were the same person. We liked the same things and we believed in the same things. Nope. What I should have realized is that no two individuals are the same. There will be differences. And the best way that we have figured most of them out is to compromise. I don't think persuading is the healthiest thing ever.

-You will become aware of your husbands flaws. 
This one may have been the hardest one for me. I remember texting Mr. Schroeder's sister and saying, "Trevor is too perfect. Could you tell me something that he might struggle with? Because I really don't think there is anything." We would tease. In reality, I really didn't think there was any flaws that he possessed. But, everyone has them. It only took me a good month to realize that I needed to focus on the strengths rather than the flaws. After all, that's why you're so happy when you're engaged. Because you're only focusing on the good things. I often wonder why that has to change after marriage.

-Satan is still working. 
I thought temptation would decrease drastically when I got married. Though it is very wonderful to have my husband as my side-kick, helping me along the way, the adversary is still working on me. Sometimes, when I'm doing really well and leaning on my Heavenly Father, I can feel the tension or shift that Satan is trying to make. It can get scary. Be sure to pray with your spouse and continue to love and serve them!

-You will struggle. 
I never would have guessed Mr. Schroeder and I would have had some of the struggles we have already faced. From financial struggles to health struggles, we have had some roller coaster moments. However, I wouldn't have taken any of them back. We have learned so much and gotten through mountains full. Like the whole "rainbows and unicorns" above, things aren't going to be perfect. Though things might be pretty great when you're engaged, hardcore struggles will happen when you're married.

Were there any key points I missed that you were mistaken about when you were engaged? 

15 comments

  1. Ahhh, I love this! I think we too often portray nothing but sunshine and rainbows - and yes, there is plenty of that - but there are struggles too even if they don't have anything to do with your romantic relationship (like when my dad passed or the stress of buying a house). I think realizing that is being realistic, not pessimistic. Thankfully, getting through those struggles together has done nothing but made us STRONGER.

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  2. I think this post is great! When I was engaged I imagined spending endless days with my husband, now I realize, we are big very busy! And if we don't make date night a priority, something else will come up and it won't happen!

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  3. I'm sure I will struggle with many of these, but for now, I'm feeling pretty good because I am tired of planning the wedding day. I'm excited for the sealing, but after that, who cares about the reception and whatnot. I just want to be married to my love so we can wake up every day next to each other. Everything else seems unimportant besides the act of actually being married and working towards an eternal marriage.

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  4. these were so great amanda! & i SO WISH i had read these before i got married.they all would have helped me. i wish someone would have told me to just relax & enjoy my fiancee. I was so worried about wedding planning & family conflict, i was freaking out about sex and constantly was just overstimulated. i wish i would have taken a step back and appreciated that time of life so i could look forward to the family i was about to build. luckily we made it through the engagement and married life is better than i could of imagined (though not without it's struggles, like you said) but i wish i would have enjoyed that time as an engaged women.

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  5. I think these are perfect. I would agree. Especially how people get so caught up in the whole "wedding day" thing. If you dont have every pinterest idea work out, thats totally cool. Weddings, are just a one day thing. The rest of your life is what matters!

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  6. I agree!! With it all. Yes it's great but yes there are challenges too! They're all part of life. Choose your spouse wisely because no matter who you choose you will face hard things - and it's soo much better to go through them with someone you love and cherish and who feels the same for you.

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  7. Love this!!! When you're engaged it's happy go lucky and fun, but yes, you have to think about life after the wedding! :)

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  8. I'm not engaged. Nor am I anywhere near being close to a proposal. But I sure am glad you posted this! I think the whole "marriage" topic can be applied everywhere. I think a lot of the things you shared can be applied just to any life struggle in general. I' haven't even been out of high school for a year yet and I know I have SO much growing up to do before I get married! But I remember sitting in a physcology class my junior year and my teacher was talking about marriage and this is something he said "marriage is really hard. If you aren't expecting that, you're in for a rude awakening." and a girl in my class said "On my gosh you just crushed the dreams of every girl sitting in here." And my teacher just rolled his eyes and I couldn't help but think "No sweetheart you are wrong. I for one don't want an easy marriage and I know for a fact even if I did I wouldn't get it. Because LIFE its self is hard." and I think that right there has helped me realize what I want out of a spouse! So thank you for sharing. Your words have helped me make some important decisions not even regarding marriage! Sorry for the novel, hhaha I adore you and your sweet little blot :)

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  9. This is absolutely perfect. I am engaged myself and like to remind myself daily that the wedding is one day and marriage is a lifetime and to continuously work on myself and be a better person for myself and for us. Thank you for the wonderful post :)

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  10. I think you are spot-on with a lot of people getting too excited about the wedding and not thinking enough about life after their wedding. My parents always told me "plan the marriage, not the wedding." It is so true. The wedding is great, but like you said, its just one day. There will be so many more "best days" down the road, like buying your first home together, finding out you're expecting, babies being born. Don't focus so much on one day. It doesn't define a marriage. How you live your life as a couple does!

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  11. I love this post, so much practical and realistic advice!

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  12. I'm engaged and I'm getting married in a couple weeks! Thanks for posting this. I feel like all of these things are stuff that everyone goes through, to different extremes, but no one talks about! I thought I was kind of losing it because I was noticing some of these things but no one told me about them! It's nice to hear it from someone else :) thank you!

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  13. This was AWESOME! I am engaged and my fiancé and I enjoyed reading it :)

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  14. Okay i love this. i will definitely keep all of that in mind..:)

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