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Divorce and Evolving

There is something I find sad and devastating about today's world. Divorce. I have seen countless of my friends go through it. Though I do firmly believe there are a few acceptable reasons for divorce, I have to admit that most of the reasons are not valid. At least in my book.

For some strange reason, most of the world views their first marriage as a "starter marriage." I can honestly say that if I viewed my marriage as that from the beginning, I wouldn't have married Trevor in the first place. I have also noticed many people start to drift after the first year or so of their marriage. The "giddyness" isn't there. The excitement is either. Something has worn off. Most of it? The fact that if not one of you, both of you, have stopped trying. 

I have had one friend get divorced over something I can't even figure out. He told me it was out of jealousy and out of anger. He divorced his wife because he was pissed off at her for a second. I am SO ashamed to say that I have said the D word in my marriage. Did I fully mean it? Absolutely not. I have never seriously thought about divorcing my husband. I have read countless articles on how you must eliminate the D word completely from your use. It is dangerous. It is evil. And it is wrong. 

It is so sad to me to see people give up after something so small. Like the quote below explains, can't we just evolve and grow with our spouse? Why are we sitting here always looking at the faults our spouse has? Shouldn't we be focusing in a little more on the good? The way we did when we first MET our spouse? 



Tonight is a thinker night for me. My brain has been going at a million miles per hour and I'm not even positive this post makes much sense. I think I'm just feeling really grateful for the marriage I do have and for the examples around me of what a marriage should (and shouldn't) be. Life is such a crazy roller coaster. And I'm so ready for it to be smoothe sailing. Does that even happen? Ha.

10 comments

  1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I also don't believe in divorce besides very toxic situations like abuse or adultery, however I completely agree with you that now a days people don't treat marriage with the respect that it deserves. Today people are often so caught up in lust with another person or even worse they see the person and something they don't like and get married anyways hoping that they can change that person, when in reality that can never happen. Thanks for sharing such an insightful and relatable blog post! :)

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  2. Oh my goodness, you hit the nail on the head. It deeply saddens my heart how this culture views marriage in this day and age. They have taken the reasons of why God created it, the sacredness of it, and placed it as something you can get in and out of whenever you feel like it.
    I think people place far too many expectations on their significant other, whether it's believing that marrying them will fix all of their problems, or simple things as coming home with a dozen roses every day. I have said this over and over to my husband that this culture is focused more on the wedding than it is the marriage. I'm not saying it's not okay to spend money on a truly magical day, but more couples should be focused on the AFTER more than the day of. I don't think people realize how difficult marriage can be, and how you have to choose to love your spouse every day, even when you don't feel like it, or they don't deserve it. I don't think people realize that love isn't just a feeling, it's an action. And when that "feeling" goes away (or the giddyness/romantic), they think that all is lost and they stop trying to have a relationship.

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  3. I think we have to remind ourselves that the grass is NOT greener on the other side, in the majority of cases. Marriage is work. It's being conscious of the needs of your better half, every single day. It is hard. But like my husband said, when we're good, everything else is good too!

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  4. Oh, yes, girl! I really couldn't agree with this more. The first year of our marriage was the hardest & I admit to using the dirty D word a few times when we were arguing. But over the past 3 years, we chose to totally eliminate it from our vocabularies. It's sad. 2 of my married friends are now divorced. I hate it. I saw that quote a few days ago. Love it!

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  5. I have said the 'D' word a couple times too. In that very moment it seems like the best option, it seems like there is nothing else to do because I am so tired of fighting. The first few months of my marriage, I would sometimes wonder if I made a mistake because we seemed to fight all the time. I still remember the look on my husband's face the first time I said it; it killed me. But as time has gone on, we fight less, and I don't think divorce is the answer. I would die without my husband in my life. Marriage is hard, and no matter how many people tell you that while you're engaged, you never fully comprehend it, and honestly can't even imagine it until after the honeymoon. I'm loving having you back in the blogging world, by the way. ;)

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  6. Marriage never gets easier. It's always a roller coaster and you constantly have to work on building your marriage. That is why you here 40 year old married people getting divorces because they could handle the roller coaster, it's always work. However, your circumstances may not change, but through the Lord you will have the strength you change your circumstances. In that since it gets beter. Asking for circumstances to change is being acted upon, but acting and using agency is having strength to change your circumstances. I've been married 4 years and although it is work it is also bliss.

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  7. You always have great posts. I have never said the said the D word to my husband thankfully, but marriage is hard, and sometimes I have thought, was this really the right thing to do? I love my husband and we have already made it thus far, and its a blessing. I think you can totally make it through a marriage. It takes dedication and hard work, but it is definitely worth it. And it is sad, taht there is a lot of divorce out there. I notice it's mostly with the baby boomers.

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  8. Hey you. :) I LOVE this post. Jake and I talk about this all the time, and I'm totally about to babble, but it has become oh so prevalent in the world, it's just devastating. No marriage is easy, you have to work so hard, you have to let the small moments still matter, you have to think about your spouse the way you used to (heart fluttering with their touch, staring at their smile and deep into their eyes, the little acts of service, thinking of all the good in them... :) and the likes) and stop taking them for granted. I feel like so many issues could be fixed if everyone did that. Many MANY times I catch myself falling into taking my husband for granted, and once I realize that, it almost always completely fixes the problem. It's something so simple, yet so many struggle with it. Like you said I believe there are circumstances where divorce is necessary, but few, yet so many give up or feel like they're in a hole so far from happiness and how they used to feel. But nobody is alone and it's never too late. We all struggle, we all have things to consistently work on, we all have people there for us, and most and best of all, a Savior who loves and is so understanding of each of us. We must must MUST be humble in our marriages. He can help us forgive, help our spouses forgive, and he has the ability to heal our hearts and help us move forward in our marriages, stronger than ever. Anyway, you said it all perfectly, I never comment on anything but I am TOTALLY with ya girlfriend! I love you guys, I love your marriage and the way you write about life. It's real, it's refreshing, it's really really great. :)

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  9. I stumbled on your blog via Pinterest, and I love this post a lot. I've thrown out the D word in my marriage a few times. My husband has never even considered it for a second. (I've never considered it seriously, honestly, but man, sometimes that island in the Maldives sounds fabulous.) Anyway, I'm not sure where I was going with this (am super ADHD, often lose train of thought) but I just wanted to say that I love this post. A lot. And you are right - that D word is dangerous. Very much so.

    Also the starter marriage trend freaks me out. A lot. It's just so weird and goes against everything that marriage is supposed to be. What the what?!

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  10. I'm still in the fog of a new separation heading for a divorce I don't want. For me, the vows are not just written for the good times. If half of marrigages end in divorce, whats the happieness/sucess bell curve of the other half, not a good picture over all is it.

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