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Going backwards

I keep asking myself, "How many times am I going to need to write about my friend situation until I'm good?"  I have wrote about my friends here, here, here and here. I keep finding myself craving for a second to write about this yet again. I suppose I'm not finished yet. In this post, I wrote about how if I need to be friend that is just "kiss butt," I will be that friend, simply because I wouldn't have this person in my life otherwise. On the other hand, I've found myself wanting nothing but the complete opposite of that. There are some things I can't do anymore, and this is one of them. It's super rough when you have someone in your life who has been through a lot with you & who even knows a lot about you, yet, you have to let them go. It's silly because I'm a grown woman. I'm an adult. Yet I'm still having to 'let some friends go.' I feel the biggest weight was lifted off my shoulders when I finally decided that I am going to just walk away. I've heard the whole, 'love them anyway' phrase, and I believe that to be true. I've heard 'maybe that friend needs you' and that could be true, as well, but in this situation, this friend doesn't need me. 

So I'm kind of in this place where I am so satisfied. But it's hard. When I got married, I lost 110% of my guy friends (which is completely understandable, too). I lost about 60% of my girlfriends.  And now, I'm looking at 10% left, simply from "de-junking" my friends. Is that the right phrase? It sounds mean. I'm really grateful for the amazing friendships I've made through blogging. I'm grateful for the friends that I do have. I've never really understood when people said that 5 friends is better than 100. But now, I suppose I get that. I hate that I had to make it this far to realize that there are some people you simply can't have in your life to progress. Better late than never though, right?




12 comments

  1. It is hard to let go of people you've been so close with for years and like you said have been through things together, but sometimes it's necessary. With "weeding out" your friends list it also helps to see who your true friends are once you step into a new phase of your life, like marriage or having a baby. I lost 100% of my friends once I got engaged, my "best friends" didn't even ask about my wedding or if they could help.... it hurt a lot. My old best friend was there through everything with Liam and I believe I needed her most then but now since I am past the deepest part of my grief I do not need her as much as I did, even though it's hard to admit.

    Glad you're able to still have amazing friendships and have been able to meet wonderful people through blogging (like me ;)

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  2. Trust..I know how you feel girl. When it comes to having friends I seriously fail. I have found that I have good friends when they need me, but when I need someone I've got no one to turn to. There have been quite a few (well, basically all) friendships where I decided that it would be better for me if I just let them go. I think it's gotten to the point where I don't want to try to make any new friends because then they'll just be another person for me to take care of that is a flake on their end of the bargain. Sad!
    Maybe that's why I like my blogging friends so much- even thought I've never met them.. they're better friends lol.

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  3. Amen sista! I feel like I'm still "de-junking" friends. Even ones I've had sense being a little girl. Sometimes you just have to get rid of people that don't uplift you in every way. I'm glad I've finally gotten to the point where I am comfortable with my individuality :) and my husby of course! He's really the only person I need :)

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  4. It is hard sometimes after we get married and lose friends. Not that we become any different than what we were before, but our priorities change, and we realize who we need and dont necessarily need in our life anymore. I had mostly guy friends, and had to let them go, and that was really hard, but I knew I couldnt really be close with them anymore. I am glad you have a good husband to spend lots of time with!!

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  5. Elder Holland once said, "When something is over and done with, .... when life has moved on as it should and a lot of other wonderfully good things have happened since then, it is not right to go back and open up some ancient wound that the Son of God Himself died trying to heal."

    And I feel like that really relates to my struggle with friendships, and the picture quote you shared.. glad we're blogger friends :)

    xoxo

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  6. It's tough but it seems like most people go through it. Good thing married friends are great!

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  7. Its so much harder as we get older! Quality is better than Quantity. There are so few people i consider my real friends and sometimes its hard but in the end i'd rather have a new good ones than a bunch of fake friends i have to try and please...

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  8. Can we seriously just be friends already? haha (creeper status I know! sorry!) I am so grateful for your blog. Honestly I love reading it, I feel like we are secretly living the same life (except I am not married) and going through some of the same things at the same time. As for one, I let my best friend of 14 years go a couple weeks ago. I was trying so hard to keep her in my life when she didn't treat me the best and tore me down rather than building me up. Sometimes people just grow apart and we go our own ways! Thanks for letting me know I am not alone in this crazy world! (:
    xoxo
    your faithful reader(:

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  9. Those people were put into your life to serve a particular purpose at a particular time. You needed that friend and that friend needed you. Its ok to let go and move on...but its SO hard. Its never fun and it always makes you wonder if you've failed or if you could have done something different. I know, I've been there. You are a strong woman and an incredible friend. God put you in my life to be my friend right now and I am completely grateful! :)

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  10. Still hate this....still don't think it's easy whatsoever. Whenever I "walk away" and tell myself, you'll be better off, they walk back in and I don't have the heart to walk away again. Man, friendship is exhausting. Love you!!!

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  11. Girl I know you know about the incident where I've had a friend since 6th grade and we've known each other since 1st grade. and we were best friends since 6th and just this year I ended the friendship. if you dont know about that incident. come find me. Heck come find me anyways. I miss our chats.

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